LYDIA, LA – A local man has stunned the scientific community, or at least his neighbor Earl, by claiming he invented air conditioning after surviving a three-day heatwave sitting directly in front of an open Kenmore refrigerator.
“Everybody out here sweatin’ like crawfish at a boil, and I said to myself, ‘Baw,’” said self-proclaimed innovator Ryan Breaux, shirtless and glistening with fridge condensation, “what if we just made cold air come out on purpose?”
According to witnesses (mainly his cousin Tee and a confused delivery driver), Mr. Breaux positioned a La-Z-Boy recliner in front of his fridge last Thursday and refused to move, sustained only by Bud Light, bologna, and the occasional whiff of expired Miracle Whip.
“I started feelin’ cooler around hour 17. That’s when I knew I was on to somethin’. I called it ‘Breaux’s Arctic Wind or BAW for short,’ but Mama just called it ‘ruining the groceries again.’”
Local authorities were called after the fridge began to emit strange noises, later identified as “the sound of mechanical suffering.” The appliance is now in critical condition at Bayou Appliance Repair.
When asked how his discovery differed from the actual invention of air conditioning in 1902, Mr. Breaux dismissed the criticism.
“That’s Yankee air. I invented Louisiana air conditioning, low-tech, high-bologna, and smells like Miller High Life.”
Inspired by his breakthrough, Mr. Breaux has since launched a GoFundMe titled “Cold Dreams & Crawfish Schemes,” with a modest goal of $800, enough for duct tape, three more used refrigerators, and a box fan “for turbo mode.”
At press time, he announced plans to file a patent for his next invention: “Swamp Cooler 2.0”, which allegedly involves a garden hose, an inflatable pool, and three pounds of crushed ice from Sonic.
