LYDIA, LA – A local man has stunned the scientific community, or at least his neighbor Earl, by claiming he invented air conditioning after surviving a three-day heatwave sitting directly in front of an open Kenmore refrigerator.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEverybody out here sweatin\u2019 like crawfish at a boil, and I said to myself, \u2018Baw,\u2019\u201d said self-proclaimed innovator Ryan Breaux, shirtless and glistening with fridge condensation, \u201cwhat if we just made<\/em> cold air come out on purpose<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n According to witnesses (mainly his cousin Tee and a confused delivery driver), Mr. Breaux positioned a La-Z-Boy recliner in front of his fridge last Thursday and refused to move, sustained only by Bud Light, bologna, and the occasional whiff of expired Miracle Whip.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI started feelin\u2019 cooler around hour 17. That\u2019s when I knew I was on to somethin\u2019. I called it \u2018Breaux’s Arctic Wind or BAW for short,\u2019 but Mama just called it \u2018ruining the groceries again.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Local authorities were called after the fridge began to emit strange noises, later identified as “the sound of mechanical suffering.” The appliance is now in critical condition at Bayou Appliance Repair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When asked how his discovery differed from the actual invention of air conditioning in 1902, Mr. Breaux dismissed the criticism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThat\u2019s Yankee air. I invented Louisiana air conditioning<\/em>, low-tech, high-bologna, and smells like Miller High Life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Inspired by his breakthrough, Mr. Breaux has since launched a GoFundMe titled \u201cCold Dreams & Crawfish Schemes,\u201d with a modest goal of $800, enough for duct tape, three more used refrigerators, and a box fan “for turbo mode.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n At press time, he announced plans to file a patent for his next invention: \u201cSwamp Cooler 2.0\u201d, which allegedly involves a garden hose, an inflatable pool, and three pounds of crushed ice from Sonic.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Says Divine Inspiration Hit Somewhere Between the Expired Boudin and the Condiment Shelf<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":512,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"tdm_status":"disabled","tdm_grid_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[38],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-421","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-technology"},"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/421","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=421"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/421\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":564,"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/421\/revisions\/564"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/512"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=421"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=421"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=421"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}