{"id":423,"date":"2025-09-19T09:55:00","date_gmt":"2025-09-19T09:55:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tdi_126_aff"},"modified":"2025-11-04T01:03:29","modified_gmt":"2025-11-04T01:03:29","slug":"eminem-stronger-than-i-was","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/2025\/09\/19\/eminem-stronger-than-i-was\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cThey Ain\u2019t Bitin\u2019, They Lovin\u2019\u201d: Man Claims Mosquitoes Are Just Huggin\u2019 With Their Faces \u2014 Says West Nile Is Just \u201cLove Gone Wrong\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>BAY ST. LOUIS, MS \u2014 In what can only be described as a heartwarming misinterpretation of biology and basic survival instincts, local philosopher and part-time bait shop clerk Buford Fontenot has publicly declared that mosquitoes aren&#8217;t biting us, they&#8217;re <em>hugging us with their faces<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThey ain\u2019t tryin\u2019 to hurt nobody,\u201d said Fontenot, casually scratching a constellation of red welts on his neck that eerily resembled the shape of Florida. \u201cThey just real small, real affectionate, and their love language is <em>blood<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Buford made the announcement at his cousin\u2019s backyard shrimp boil, shortly after being swarmed by a cloud of mosquitoes he referred to as his \u201clittle blessings.\u201d Eyewitnesses say he stood motionless for several minutes, arms open, whispering \u201ccome to paw\u201d while everyone else scrambled for citronella candles and holy water.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI used to swat \u2018em,\u201d Buford admitted, misty-eyed and holding a half-empty can of Off! like a war veteran holds a fallen comrade\u2019s dog tags. \u201cBut then I realized, maybe the problem ain\u2019t them. Maybe it\u2019s <em>me<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fontenot has since founded a non-profit organization called <strong>\u201cSkeeter Sweeties\u201d<\/strong>, advocating for the peaceful coexistence between humans and mosquitoes. Their motto? <em>\u201cCatch feelings, not just fevers.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>His movement has gained modest traction on Facebook, mostly among barefoot porch poets and at least one woman in Thibodaux, LA who claims she\u2019s engaged to a mosquito named Maurice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Health officials, meanwhile, are less than thrilled. \u201cWe strongly advise the public not to romanticize disease-carrying insects,\u201d said Dr. Reed Carlton of the Mississippi Department of Health. \u201cMr. Fontenot\u2019s views are&#8230; creative, but we recommend repellent. And therapy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Despite warnings, Buford is currently working on a children\u2019s book titled <em>\u201cMommy, the Mosquito Kissed Me\u201d<\/em> and has reportedly begun hosting weekly \u201cFace-Huggin\u2019 Circles\u201d in his carport. The event is BYOB \u2014 Bring Your Own Blood.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>BAY ST. LOUIS, MS \u2014 In what can only be described as a heartwarming misinterpretation of biology and basic survival instincts, local philosopher and part-time bait shop clerk Buford Fontenot has publicly declared that mosquitoes aren&#8217;t biting us, they&#8217;re hugging us with their faces. \u201cThey ain\u2019t tryin\u2019 to hurt nobody,\u201d said Fontenot, casually scratching a [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":525,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"tdm_status":"disabled","tdm_grid_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[46],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-423","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-science"},"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/423","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=423"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/423\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":566,"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/423\/revisions\/566"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/525"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=423"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=423"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crawfishchronicle.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=423"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}